Susan's GreenZone Story

I was experiencing some problems with my daughter Nadine, with regards to temper tantrums, arguments, and talking down to me, which brought not only her, but me into the Red Zone.

It was getting out of control around last March, at which point I discussed how it was affecting my mental state.

You and I had discussed introducing the Green, Yellow and Red concept into Nadine’s life.

Nadine is not the type of child who would go to her room when told, for a time out.

It would become a physical struggle, which was not good for either of us.

You had suggested that I walk away and let her sit on her own until she was ready to come and be a part of the family routine again.

It was hard for me, but, the first thing I had to learn was to walk out of the room when Nadine would start pushing the buttons that would ultimately lead into a temper tantrum or screaming match.

I eventually mastered the art of leaving the room without saying a word.

I would stay away for a while and eventually Nadine would come to me.

If I did re-enter the area, or Nadine came to me and started pushing again, I would simply walk away again.

Nadine eventually realized that I was not going to let her drag me into her Red Zone.

Shortly after learning this skill, I sat down with Nadine and explained the philosophy of the Red, Yellow and Green Zones.

We decided to color a circle on the calendar at the end of each day.

We followed the following criteria: Green Day This would be a happy day with no tantrums, talking back or talking down to me.

Yellow Day This would be a day where things started to slide down hill but would turn around before flaring into a tantrum or sending me into the Red Zone.

Red Day This would be a full blown temper tantrum or an argument.

At the end of each day, Nadine would go and color a circle on the calendar to reflect the type of day it had been.

The calendar was displayed on the fridge, so it was a reminder each day of our progress during that month.

In the first month, we had more red circles than green and yellow together.

After the first month, Nadine and I sat down to discuss the findings.

I think she was surprised with herself.

I feel that it helped her understand how disruptive her behavior was becoming to our family.

This was when we made an agreement to try and lessen the amount of red circles on the calendar.

In order to reach that goal, we chose a treat that was mutually agreed upon as well as a goal that would help reduce the number of yellow or red circles for that month.

Of course, the goal was to lessen the number of red and yellow circles each month.

If Nadine reached the monthly goal, she would get the treat.

In order to help Nadine, I agreed to inform/warn her when I saw Yellow Zones starting.

Eventually, with the warnings, Nadine learned to stop the behavior and cool down before allowing herself to go into a full blown Red Zone.

As the months went on we had less and less red circles on the calendar until eventually we had none.

I am happy to say that we got into a period that there were only green circles on that calendar.

After about 3 months, we had a much more peaceful family life and were able to deal with issues much easier.

Nadine and I also had to learn when to talk about upsetting events or frustrations.

We have to be able to sit down and talk face to face.

We have learned that we have to make sure the other person is ready to listen, has the time to listen and is also able to give full concentration to the subject.

All too often in the past, Nadine would be trying to talk to me about a problem when I was either cooking dinner, busy with Steve, putting Adam to bed or I had 4 or 5 kids running around.

She would become irate when she thought I didn’t understand or wasn’t listening.

She had to learn to wait until I could give her my full attention.

I found this method worked quickly for us however, I also feel that Nadine’s age had something to do with it.

I think the older they are the more conscious they are of that calendar.

I do feel that using this method with a younger child would take a lot longer but would likely be as effective.

Now in saying all of this, I have to inform you that I have had to reintroduce the method again.

I am optimistic that this will work even quicker this time.

I have also caught myself not walking out of the room as well as conversations not taking place at appropriate times.

This just proves that it is a concept that you have to practice over and over again.

Thank you for helping me to introduce the concept of the Green, Yellow and Red Zones into my children’s lives.