Frank's GreenZone Story

My introduction to the green zone In early 2004 I met Dr. Sohail, a psychiatrist who works in his Creative Psychotherapy Clinic.

My family doctor referred me to him for his consultation as I had been suffering with depression for a number of years.

After meeting Dr. Sohail I had the opportunity to read his book “The Art of Living in Your Green Zone” and receive therapy.

Through weekly sessions with Dr. Sohail and attending group therapy in time I learned to live my life in my Green Zone, one of contentment, peace of mind and happiness.

Certainly these traits were far removed from the depressed person I had been for many years and before benefiting from Dr. Sohail’s book and sessions.

My green zone story My wife Jill and I planned a wonderful trip to Newfoundland in 2004 and thoroughly enjoyed it.

We were impressed by the unique culture and genuine hospitality.

Newfoundland was the only province we had not visited.

Our trip was enjoyable and memorable.

Such a peaceful trip was significantly different than the trip we had a year ago.

We had travelled with some friends to Europe.

During our travels in France, Italy and Austria, I was so angry and full of rage that it became the trip from hell.

I am so embarrassed thinking about that trip.

Later on I realized that my anger was a reflection of my low self-esteem and idealistic personality.

But our trip to Newfoundland highlights how much I have changed, and changed for the better.

And it is because I received therapy and transformed my Red Zone lifestyle to a Green Zone lifestyle.

If it was only the vacations that brought about my less than desirable qualities, then maybe avoiding long holidays could lead to a cessation of such undesirable actions.

But, vacations were only one sampling of my problems.

This year Jill travelled out of town for a number of days for her work and stayed in luxury accommodations.

Upon Jill leaving I wished her a super time and all that goes with a paid corporate outing.

In contrast, prior years saw me in full- fledged resentment and questioning Jill’s love for me and her faithfulness especially when she was out of town attending seminars.

It resulted in avoiding her phone calls while she was away, staying late at work the day she returned and giving the cold shoulder when arriving back at our home.

How can it be that a similar situation could generate such varied actions? Golf is my favorite hobby and retirement has allowed much more time for play.

In 1999, 3 friends and I spent a weekend at a cottage and played a nearby resort course.

Poor shots on my part especially the 13th hole where each day saw my golf balls go into the water resulting in the throwing of clubs and profanity laced yelling .

It was very awkward and uncomfortable for my friends.

We returned in 2004 and yes; the 13th holes water again swallowed my ball each day we played.

However, my friends saw a golfer who said nothing and proceeded to hit a second ball into the water.

They must have wondered if this is the same individual who 5 years earlier and on many other occasions became an embarrassment after poor shots.

What had changed? These are issues of low self- esteem and anger to the point of rage had frequent airings.

It was the husband and the father where our 2 children and Jill were always on their guard, when would there be another eruption? How could they avoid it? These actions were in contrast to an individual very successful in his career, having many friends and possessing a fun personality with a bent for humor.

A person committed to helping others, involvement in his church and working hard to provide for the family.

Could this split person be a reflection of his upbringing? Did his father’s impatience, his frequent hitting him or three distinct moves to foreign areas of the Province be the root of the problem? But while these negatives were experienced, there were the superb family times of sports involvement, camping trips and help with education.

Or was it my post-secondary education beginning in 1967,which saw an immature person mixed with adults in a new college while living at home and under a curfew for time and parties.

I may have been the only student in this situation.

Very much it was a concern kept to myself! But then my parents moved 500 miles away creating new found freedom of independent living, partying and determining my own schedule overcoming the prior negative restrictions and a low confidence level Then again marriage may have played a role.

Jill’s upbringing saw a very dominant father, an insistence on daily farm chores, a very limited family income and no support for a post-secondary education.

Myself by comparison lived with a sounder financial environment (though making ends meet at times was difficult) and had at minimum a tough love environment.

In meeting Jill, her self-confidence was lacking while I acquired this ingredient boosted by Jill’s lack of it.

Then as Jill became successful and matured, self-confidence gained in rapid and large amounts.

Where there had been a shy, quiet bride there was now a woman firmly planted and knowing where she wanted to go.

Volunteer activities with Brownies, VON and the Church plus her success at work were illustrations of Jill’s growth and expanding her horizons this growth affected me as I questioned her love for me, I started to think that I was just a handy provider for Jill and the children but flings were “there” for Jill.

This led to bizarre behavior on my part from her independence which included excessive drinking and leaving the home when upset.

In carrying out these negative thoughts leading to action, the real issue was not touched upon and it is only through this exercise that I have gained a true understanding of my thought processes during these unhealthy times.

These were issues that I know now that affected my self-esteem with rage waiting to be vented.

To the outsider, we were a happily married couple fooling those who took notice of us.

If these people were to become aware, they would have been mystified that there were troubles in our relationship.

As situations of conflict, resentment, rage with the children and unpredictable behavior on my part increased in frequency, Jill very strongly asked me to see our family doctor.

I felt if I did not see our doctor that the future of our family was very much in question.

As such, I was open with our doctor describing different situations that had occurred over a number of years from the present (1991) back to approximately 1977.

It was comforting talking to the doctor and it was the first time that I had talked to anyone about some of my actions and thoughts.

The doctor diagnosed me as having Depression and prescribed Prozac.

In the beginning it was euphoria.

Everything was as it should be.

All my previous doubts about our relationship magically disappeared.

Similarly a calmness enveloped me with the children and other matters that had previously led to anger and strong judgments.

But the euphoria did not last and the negative reactions returned over a period of 8 years.

This was after increased prescription strength resulting from my visits to the doctor advising that my “blues” were returning and that it now included my work environment.

Often I would lay awake at night thinking of suicide and how it could be done to look like an accident.

I could not overcome a malaise of unhappiness and in retrospect became to believe that this was normal.

While books on depression were read, they just did not register.

I could not link the message, the analysis to me.

These remedies were for other people.

Today I know that this is living in the Red Zone! Your mind is pre-occupied with all things bad and you “ will” yourself to think in a negative way.

It is a spirit of thinking.

You must always return to this outlook to be normal.

While I suffered, those around me suffered equally.

Imagine that Jill is asking the children if their dad has hit them (not once) and if things do not improve that Jill and the children would be leaving the home.

We only go through life once, the unfairness of a troubled home brought about by a depressed and raging father is not the quality of life that my wife and children deserve.

If that meant being without a father to enjoy life, then that would be the route.

These 1991 timeframes reflected past and current thoughts of Jill and were very troubling to me but until seeing the family doctor I did not realize the depth of the problem or realize that my actions were of such a concern as to see the parting of our family.

Following our 2003 European vacation, Jill confidentially consulted a friend working in the mental health profession.

A psychologist was recommended and Jill took the courageous step of telling me and asking if I would go for help.

I agreed.

After 3 sessions 1 solely for Jill, an assessment was provided.

While I did not agree with some of the findings, the recommendation to obtain help from a psychiatrist was something I was amenable to.

With the help of our family doctor, I found myself meeting Dr Sohail of the Whitby Creative Psychotherapy Clinic.

Two things happened in early 2004 that had a tremendous impact on me.

First there was the book written by Dr. Sohail” The Art of Living in Your Green Zone” which I read many times and still treasure.

The second occurrence was Dr. Sohail’s remark almost off hand where he stated that I have an obsessive-compulsive personality disorder.

Both the book (which I still have) and this disorder analysis hit me! I cannot say if it was a matter of timing, my sub conscious working with my awake mind or the realization of the depths of Jill’s concern however there was an impact.

The book made sense! The personality difficulties were easy to see after talks with Dr. Sohail pertaining to a number of social issues such as abortion, homosexuality and capital punishment were talked about He saw my pre-occupation with time, money, cleanliness and morality, the make-ups of obsessive compulsive personality disorder.

In particular, morality and my judgement were most obvious to the Doctor.

Combine the disorder with depression and the results are qualities that I exhibited for many years.

Basically I was living in the Red Zone.

This was reflected by my unhappiness, frequent bursts of anger, strong opinions on morale issues, attitudes to my pre-retirement work place and not having true belief in myself but masked by working successes.

My mind would encourage bad thoughts and interpretation of remarks and actions in a negative way.

The frequent discussions with Jill and now including my work environment leading to shouting and walking from the room were prime examples.

For the work environment it was me against them! I was right and had to get the last word, the last right analogy otherwise things went downhill in a hurry.

A look from Jill or words that I saw as condescending was a sure fired trip to the Red Zone Early work mornings similarly had led to easy interpretations of a lack of love from Jill as she would head to a room away from the breakfast table and more pointedly in my mind away from me.

Later through a normal conversation I learned it was simply a quiet time for Jill.

But in the beginning, the Red Zone of my mind was quite happy to expand and put more negative perspectives for me.

With the first visit to Dr. Sohail and receiving his “The Art of Living in Your Green Zone” it became my bible, my consultation source.

There was an instant recognition of my actions and thoughts in the book.

This was so reassuring to see myself being described in the book! How else can I explain a complete understanding of the book, that my mind would say yes that occurred many times with Jill, the children, friends and in the work place.

The thrust of the book, the message as I took it, was to become “aware” of words, actions, thoughts and situations that would send you to unhappiness, the world of negativity.

This is the “Red Zone.

” The beginnings of the trip are in the “Yellow Zone” where unbalanced actions can be caught if you are “aware” of them.

For me, the identifying of contentment as being the “Green Zone” and the classifications of Yellow and Red were areas that I could readily identify with.

No matter how great a book’s message may be, if it does not register with the reader, it is not going to be the remedy! In the Green Zone you look forward to events and every day living.

In itself the book became a Green Zone experience for me.

In the frequent readings an uplifting would occur.

This led to me wanting more! Like the Newfoundland trip, I wanted contentment, easy expressions of my love for Jill and the children for today and the future.

In the middle is the Yellow Zone.

It is the territory where things are starting to look bad.

In some ways maybe it is the most important Zone to know.

I say this as with my newfound awareness you can catch those negative infiltrations and dispatch them by positive thoughts thus travelling to the Green Zone filled with positive views that are energizing and contented.

For me, the single biggest factor has been awareness.

In the past, I would let fly with aggressive words, use undesirable body language, throw objects to the point of breaking a golf club or a fishing rod, endangering others and myself.

This would be accompanied by condescending remarks and threatening words and actions.

Now I enjoy the knowledge that these actions can be overcome by counselling, group therapy, medication and applying what I have learned from this book.

These are the ingredients for me to live in the Green Zone representing contentment and happiness.

In Jill’s words, it is amazing! While before Newfoundland her husband was displaying positive results from his sessions and group therapy, the Newfoundland trip would be a superior measurement of my level of improvement.

What a pleasure for Jill to be able to realize that there was a more peaceful, calm and rationale hubby on the trip.

Imagine that he did not get upset with wrong turns, that he was content to miss a mill tour for a logging exhibition and that he was so interested in the Province and not demanding specific items.

For my part, I was “aware” of this where in the past things could explode and was able to concentrate and apply mental strength to prevent past actions.

As the trip progressed it became less required and our enjoyment and love for each other was enhanced.

As I stated earlier, this writing exercise in itself is a medicine for my mind.

I now see that that Jill’s growth was an area that I did not adjust too.

Some how I was battling her confidence, her ability to work with many varied situations and perform at high levels of leadership and thought processes.

This was as it applied to work, her many volunteer activities and responses to myself now based upon a self- reliant wife! I now realize that Jill’s growth is one to thoroughly enjoy and to benefit from.

It is a strengthening of our relationship and one that I now recognize and am eager to equally participate in and knowing that we are healthy for it.

There are times when the Yellow flag waves in my mind and recently did sink to the Red zone.

Again it was my hobby of golf.

This time the water was not the culprit but sand.

After 2 attempts to hit the ball from the sand and failing, a violent swing followed and connected with the ball.

Uncomfortable moments followed.

Where in the past this Red Zone exhibition and feeling would have led to more of the same, a kiss was planted on 2 of the golfers, (these being female) and later an apology to the male golfer.

After the golf, there was a subdued feeling and a feeling of failure but at the same time there was the knowledge that I had been a Green Zone type and had to get back there.

Most assuredly this was very different from the past.

Later a kiss from Jill and a hug were so reassuring as previously such a situation would have at minimum resulted in a silence for both of us.

What a relief that I have achieved this awareness.

Being an extrovert and a high-energy person there will be challenges tomorrow and in the future.

The continuation of the weekly sessions and group therapy are the medium to maintain and increase my awareness.

Together with the knowledge from the book I have turned a corner.

One friend now describes with tongue in cheek that I am boring to play golf with.

Where Jill in the past was reluctant to discuss in-depth matters, it has now become a time of enjoyment and a time of sharing thoughts and ideas to help each other.

So I have again experienced euphoria but the difference being that it is through understanding and awareness and helped by my current medication.

As referenced I believe that I have turned a big corner but must be vigilant to keep travelling around the corner and not turning back.

This is the maintenance aspect.

For me turning the corner is critical and in discussions with Dr. Sohail not something to be under estimated.

There should be and is an exhilaration that I have climbed from a Red Zone of despair and unhappiness to a Green Zone of contentment and happiness.

It is interesting to describe this as a climb.

Because of the rise to experience a Green Zone regularly there is a mental push or a want to climb more.

To find out what makes you tick! Also, to be able to see things in more depth and able to understand day to day living from self help books and benefit from their wisdom.

This comes from an individual whose first love is the sport’s pages of the daily newspaper and the philosophy of John Grisham is as far as it goes! In summary to write this outline in itself is of terrific help.

It further concentrates yourself on you in an analytical way and forcing you to look into the mirror with all it’s warts and smiles.

It can become another bible for myself and reinforcing where I have travelled from and that a return trip is to be avoided at all costs because the costs to me and Jill, my children and friends is too high!